There are times in motherhood that you just want to give up. Give up on trying, give up on the marriage, even give up on life. You will feel like a useless piece of garbage who doesn't realize how blessed you are. You will take everything for granted and then stab yourself mentally for doing so.
You will cry, for God's sake you will cry. Don't keep it in, just cry your ass off. Cry as much as you need, until your head hurts, until you can't breathe properly.
After the drama, you give yourself a hug, because ultimately you know no one can understand and control your feelings better than yourself. You turn on a hot shower or bath, you sit there feeling the very warm drops of water drench your hair and eventually warm your scalp. You turn around and let it warm your face, your chest, your stomach.
You calm down, towel off, put on your night clothes, make sure the little ones are okay, and go to bed. A few tears may continue to fall, but you do so in a calm manner because you are in control. Eventually you fall asleep,and the next morning will have a huge hangover, but you will feel better, less broken, and you will feel ready to be a mother again.
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